Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
