do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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