i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
