After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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