we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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