The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just had sex on a roof
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
