I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
