Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
