i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
