So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"