So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."