his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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