Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the condom got lost in my hair
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT