Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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