First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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