i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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