at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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