Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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