Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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