So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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