Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
These tits shall not be calmed
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