you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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