I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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