i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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