my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
