I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
as a side note pls kill me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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