Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
