hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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