So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
