dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
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