I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
