Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
