put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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