We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
