Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she looked like the before picture.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
