When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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