apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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