I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize