Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
