just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
