forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize