Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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