You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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