You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
