i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
