she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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