It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
