i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
