I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
