She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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