no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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