he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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