I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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