im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
