I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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