Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
