I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
