sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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