The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
