I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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