I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
