and she was petting her beer can
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
