Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
