i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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