If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
