have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
