There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
