I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
