bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
