he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
