i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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