I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
