3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
