OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
