yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
