Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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