it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
