I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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