im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
did you just send me my own nude
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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