i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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