I wish you could order shots online.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
