haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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