took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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