cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nutella sex= disaster
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
