last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
