Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
