NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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