I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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